What Are the Top Three Character Traits People Like Most?

Would you like to be more likable?

Would you like to know what characteristics people like in the people they like?

I decided to put it to the test this week.

The exact wording of the question:

The sample size:

81 respondents.

My upfront acknowledgment:

This was a highly-unscientific study conducted across three Facebook pages, Twitter, and LinkedIn. That being said, the top results were pretty resounding, and I suspect a national poll would likely surface similar conclusions.

(Full disclosure: I excluded jokey answers like “big tits” and “an unquenchable thirst for power.”)

I’ll share the results with you in ascending order. Be sure not to skip over any, as there are some lovely characteristics that I hadn’t thought about in years.

This will be followed by my brief reflections on the poll.

Enjoy. :-)

One vote (36-way tie)

ConsistentProgressive/revolutionaryPleasantnessInsightfulSelf-controlInterestHealthKnowledgeReciprocityExtroversionSecure in themselvesDesire to learnGod-lovingHospitableCommon senseNon-judgmentalPassionConversantIngenuityPeacefulFunLoves animalsNot fakeReliable/trustworthyDiligence/steadfastnessScripture truth-basedDirectThinkingConvictionDependableTalentWiseGod-fearingVulnerabilityBoldnessIntegrity

Two votes (9-way tie)

CourageousSelflessTeachableForgivingPrayerfulAuthenticSpiritualRespectfulGracious

Three votes (6-way tie)

CaringGoodness/good-heartedResponsibleLoyalCuriousWarm

Four votes

Self-awareness

Five votes

Compassion

Six votes

Loving

Seven votes

Generous

Eight votes

Intelligent

Ten votes

Integrity

Twelve votes

Empathy

Thirteen votes

Humorous

Nineteen votes

Humble/Humility

Twenty votes

Honest/Honesty

Twenty-one votes

Kind/Kindness

The overall winners are clear

Kindness, honesty, and humility were the resounding winners by a wide margin.

This is really nice to see, as all three of these are wonderfully positive characteristics.

But I’ll add a small caveat:

People say they like people who are kind, honest, and humble.

But I only believe 2/3rds of this…

People aren’t being honest about honesty

I don’t believe that people actually like honesty.

I think most people detest it.

People get furious when you bring up facts like:

• Land-lording is parasitic, unsustainable, and will destroy the global economy.

• Democrats are a right-wing corporatist party.

• Putting your money to work for you is just another form of exploitation.

• Canada is verifiably a horrible country.

• Voting is a waste of time because America isn’t a democracy.

I could go on and on and on.

Most people just don’t like to hear that the Queen was a tax-evading, democracy-undermining, exploiter of the poor.

When you’re truly and genuinely honest, people will inevitably try to shirk the truth with whataboutisms, or they’ll blame your “tone.”

But facts are facts, no matter how kindly or gently or nicely they’re delivered.

Case in point: Jesus of Nazareth.

If anyone who’s ever lived could deliver truth in the right tone, it would be Jesus, right?

So then why do church people get furious when you mention the fact that Jesus told people not to charge interest?

Why did the Jews run him out of the synagogue when he spoke up in defense of debtors and tried to declare a debt jubilee?

Why did the elites immediately try to kill him when he called out their economic oppression of the poor?

It’s because people don’t actually like truth or honesty:

• It’s why a wife won’t ask her husband if he thinks she is the most sexually-attractive woman he knows.

• It’s why an adult son won’t ask his father what his dad is most disappointed about in his son.

• It’s why almost no one asks their friends on a regular basis, “what are the three things you like the least about me?”

• It’s why everyone you know refuses to face the fact that their investment portfolio is rife with human misery.

Because the truth is often brutally painful.

People say they want honesty, but I honestly don’t believe them.

People just like their personal form of truthiness.

Most people (myself included) mostly want to be friends with people who agree with them.

I was pleasantly surprised by the diversity of characteristics.

36 people gave totally unique answers.

I love this.

It just shows how diverse people are, and how broadly our values are held.

(Though, I’m shocked that not a single person said “agreeableness.”)

None of our corporate-(s)elected politicians possess any of the top 5 traits.

How troubling is that?!

Politicians aren’t kind, honest, humble, humorous, or empathetic.

Exceeding few have integrity, compassion, or self-awareness.

Politicians possess nearly none of the characteristics that we like in others.

How is it possible we end up with so many unsavory “leaders?”

This made me think long and hard about what the corporatocracy looks for when it selects candidates to run for its corporate parties. Unlike normal people, corporatists are looking for:

• Compliance

• Compromise

• Unquenchable thirst for power

• The ability to lie without getting caught

• People who are easily swayed by money and promotion and titles

• No moral compass or conscience

• Visionlessness sociopathy paired with a deep need to control others

No wonder our nations are such a mess.

Notice what wasn’t on the list.

No one said “vegan” or “Bitcoiner.”

Kidding aside…

Not one person voted for “filthy rich” or “lots of zeroes in their bank account.”

Not a single ballot was cast for “physically attractive.”

No one said “lots of power” or “huge amounts of fame.”

No one mentioned the acquisition of Teslas, Rolexes, waterfront mansions, or a thick portfolio of rental properties.

Yet isn’t that what we publicly praise most?

We’ve created a culture that makes people desire the wrong things in their public figures.

I feel bad for billionaires.

If you run a mental scan through the Forbes billionaires list, you suddenly realize that billionaires possess very few of the qualities that people actually like most in others.

What are the top characteristics of most billionaires?

• Ruthless competitiveness/combativeness (expressed as monopoly)

• Callousness/cold-heartedness (they do huge amounts of job destruction)

• Unquenchable greed/the mental illness of unlimited wealth-hoarding

• Parasitism and the ability to extract wealth from others

• Anti-sociality (especially expressed in the form of tax evasion)

• Deeply distrusting (because you assume everyone is out to get you)

People deeply dislike the characteristics that billionaires possess.

So it becomes a self-fulfilling doom spiral that leaves billionaires isolated, lonely, and completely out of touch with humanity.

Isn’t it ironic that the characteristics billionaires want most are things money can’t buy?

In conclusion

What are the top three characteristics of the people you like most?

Out of 81 respondents, 62 different characteristics were appreciated most.

Nearly half want friends who are kind, “honest”, humble, humorous, and empathetic.

No one mentioned Republican or Democrat, Liberal or Conservative, rich or poor, ugly or beautiful, gay or straight, old or young, citizen or immigrant.

We want to surround ourselves with people who are intelligent and generous and loving, who live their lives with integrity and compassion.

In other words, we don’t want to spend our lives with the sorts of people who rule our world and seek to divide us.

If only there was a way to flip this upside-down world right-side up again.

Maybe it starts with each of us becoming more like the people we like.